bethany sent this to me and i had to share. this is such a perfect snapshot of the past year, especially during what my mom calls the arsenic hour-- that time from about 4:00 until bedtime.

i bet when my kids are all grown i'll look back at posts like this and wonder why all i ever did was complain about how tired i was. i won't remember the exhaustion that leaves you with nothing to give, or the frustration of screaming babies that leaves you with very little sanity (and makes you fight with your husband whom you adore), or the depression that descends with nausea and an always-dirty kitchen.

they say you forget, like childbirth.

you only remember the sweet times, the times you now miss because your children are gone to their own lives, the times of cuddling, reading, laughing, discovering. the times when your children needed you for their most basic needs, ran to you for kisses, clung to your neck for comfort.

people say so often, "it goes by so quickly! soak it in." or, "ohhh i miss the baby/toddler stage! those were the best years." and i know it's true. it does go by quickly, and this time of life is wonderful, and i am thankful for my children and could never express how much i love them.

but, like any Good thing, like anything that makes us into better people, it's hard. it's so, so hard. and i have to remind myself--when i'm dragging out of bed in the wee hours of the morning, or disciplining for the same thing for the millionth time, or trying to hold two sick and crying boys, cook dinner, clean the dishes, and not cry myself--that it is Good, what we're doing. because it's who josh and i are now: parents of two boys, 12 months apart, and another one coming rapidly. it's who God has made us to be. and i want to be this thing i'm supposed to be, better than i have been.

before i go i have to just say that i have eaten lots and lots and lots of humble pie since having these boys. i remember growing up with all my siblings and hearing young mothers talk about how exhausted they were or how hard it was, etc, and i thought, how sad. their mothers must not have taught them how to take care of the house or babies. or maybe they didn't have siblings. seriously, lady, you have TWO kids. at least i won't be like that. i've had plenty of experience. 

hah. that would be ignorance (and pride) talking. and now when i hear girls talking about having babies and what their families will be like, i try to smile and nod and be encouraging, and talk about all the wonderful things with them, because it's good to think about those things and want those things. and if they look down on me because my house is a wreck and i'm a wreck-- i don't mind, really.